FOXNews.com: Let's call a truce in the war on men

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Let's call a truce in the war on men Dec 7th 2012, 05:00 Tracy McMillan, TV writer and author of the most popular article ever written on The Huffington Post responded this way to the backlash her piece elicited: "The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off." In the past two weeks my own article (which is eerily similar to McMillan's, actually) about why men are retreating from marriage, hit a nerve. In "The War on Men," I said women are angry.And they are.  After the piece appeared, I was inundated with emails from women telling me I should be ashamed of myself for suggesting women have a role to play in the decline of marriage and battle of the sexes. One reader even told me to kill myself. No, really. Kill myself. My crime, apparently, is twofold. First, I said men said women are no longer women. And in response, I suggested women get in touch with their feminine side. I didn't, however, say what I meant by that statement. That's because the article was supposed to be a teaser for my upcoming book, ." Men also take pride in caring for their families. They can't carry babies or nurse them, but they can provide for them. So let them. - But since the backlash has been so severe – with feminists convinced I want to set women back 200 years – I feel compelled to offer a sampling of what I mean by "surrendering" to one's femininity. As one woman named Lia asked, "What does it mean to surrender to our femininity in today's world? How do we reclaim our rightful gender roles without giving up our careers and independence?" It's easier than you think. You begin by accepting that men and women are different. Equal, but different. This means you'll have to reject feminist dogma since feminism has taught you that equality means sameness. Fortunately, there's been an explosion of brain research in the past several years to help explain male and female anatomy. The best books are Dr. Louann Brizendine's "The Male Brain" and "The Female Brain." Here's what we know – not just from the research but from experience and common sense. Females, in general, are nurturing and relational beings. They like to gather and nest and take care of people. They like to commiserate with other females – a lot. That's why girls can talk for hours on end. It's why more women stay home with their children than men. It's why the teaching and caregiving professions are still heavily female. Not every single woman in the world falls into this category, but that doesn't make the generalization any less true. Males, on the other hand, are hunters: they like to build things and kill things. If you don't have a son, this may sound strange. But again, that doesn't make it untrue. Men also take pride in caring for their families. They can't carry babies or nurse them, but they can provide for them. So let them. That, of course, is the gray area. Gone are the days of the breadwinning husband and the homemaking wife, right? So if I'm not referring to Ward and June Cleaver, what on earth do I mean? As Lia asked, what does it mean for "today's world"? It means women shouldn't let their success in the workplace become the biggest thing in their lives. If the ultimate goal is lasting love – and let's face it: for most people it is – women are going to have to become comfortable with sacrifice and capitulation. Because those are the underpinnings of a long-term marriage. If you don't believe me, ask your grandmother. Or anyone else who's been married for decades. Love today is a power struggle. Women have been conditioned to keep their guard up, as if  men and marriage will swallow them whole. As Sandra Bullock once said to Barbara Walters, "I'd always had this feeling that if you got married, it was like the end of who you were." That attitude is commonplace, and it's the direct result of a generation of feminists who told their daughters to never depend on a man. We live in a new world. But that doesn't mean it's a better world. Women are struggling more than ever with how to rectify their desire for independence with their desire for love. These two things can be reconciled. But you must first be open to ideas that sound blasphemous. Just because you make your own money doesn't mean your guy can't pay the bill. Just because you value independence doesn't mean you can't take your husband's last name. Just because you can do the same a job a man can do doesn't mean you need to let him know it. Surrendering to your femininity means many things. It means letting your man be the man despite the fact that you've proven you're his equal. It means recognizing the fact that you may very well want to stay home with your babies – and that that's normal. Surrendering to your femininity means if you do work outside the home, you don't use your work to play tit for tat in your marriage. It means tapping into that part of yourself that's genuinely vulnerable and really does need a man – even though the culture says you don't. In other words, put down your sword. It's okay if your guy's in charge. It's okay if you don't drive the car. In fact, it's rather liberating. Suzanne Venker has written extensively about politics, parenting, and the influence of feminism on American society. Her latest book, "How to Choose a Husband (And Make Peace with Marriage)" will be published in February 2013. Visit howtochooseahusband.com for more information.

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